I found myself in a web of tangled judgement. The kind that squelches and strangles the most joyous of occasions. Ew, the things that were coming out of my head, and my mouth! They felt gross, it felt WRONG but I could not help feel them. It came from a place of pain in my own life. Yet that didn’t make it right. Oh it was so not fun to walk in that! I am cringing at the memory of it.

Yes, so the point is, I knew it wasn’t right and I had to fight against those ugly things that were coming out of me. It was painful, Yes. Standing there and facing that stuff, admiting it, dealing with it, genuinely repenting for it. Still couldn’t shake it. Not until I invited some of my closet friends to speak into my life about it. There’s just something about confessing your transgressions to the people you trust. Especially when you listen and receive change. It was hard to admit out loud that I was going through this. Was it Worth it?

Hell, Yeah!

Oh, the Joy! The Glorious, Dancing, Fresh kind of Joy  ~like the smell of pikake or ginger on a humid Hawaiian day. (Insert cheese ball music here)

Like Leaping from a Spider web.

Folks, I am feeling some Freedom! Sometimes you got just to accept, “It’s not my problem, and it’s not my burden to carry.”   Sometimes you just got to receive “It’s not your problem, and it’s not your burden to carry.” And then, you just gotta be Thankful “It’s not my problem, it’s not my burden to carry.” It’s one of those beautiful puzzle pieces in The Saviour’s heart.

Maybe some of those Faith seeds have begun to sprout. They are crying out for water. That my Friends, Feels the Best!

Being Relational is hard, especially if you are task oriented. It’s fun, but it doesn’t come natural. I have to be intentional, especially with my kids, and especially when I am Home schooling…

This week my life has been turned upside down and inside out because of my toddler’s sickness. Stopping everything completely to just “be” is such a foreign idea to me. It mostly happens when I finally realize I just need to let go. No, I mean REALLY let go.

That is the revelation I got for this week.  I have not been able to look at my weekly planner,check off my “to do” list, keep previous engagements, or do much of anything except hold and rock my nearly 30 pound little dude. Home school? Nope. Couldn’t handle it. Making food and sticking to really great food choices? Nope. No time. My well-oiled machine of a household became mighty dysfunctional as I just had to stop fighting reality and just fully embrace the situation. (Well, really, we survived, but I just didn’t get a whole lot done.)

It is easy to sit here and feel like I got robbed of my week. BUT instead, I will choose to focus on the things I DID do, and laugh at the rest of it.  I will save you the play-by-play of my psycho Mom moments where frazzled nerves got the best of me. BUT I will say, they were not as bad as they could have been had I left my agenda in its usual place, high up on the pedastool, where unreachable expectations manage to invade…

Ew. Not this week. Revelations come in many perspectives, sometimes needed to be drilled so deep through a mighty wall of layers. Sometimes it takes complete brokenness to open the eyes of your heart in order to receive.

I decided to just be… More Relational. Something that gets lost in my day because I am usually functioning at 30% of an average person. So I push myself to “make up for it” and end up wearing myself out. Not this week, well, at least not for those reasons!

My baby just needed me. My husband was Amazing and he helped out alongside me night after night. Then Abraham played the Inevitable “Mom card,” the one that says, “Mom only. Nothing else will do.”  Enter the Brokenness.

It hurts. Yet it is such a Beautiful place to be. Lots can happen when you just stop and just be. Relational.

But this is one thing I will not write on my list… I want it to come from my heart.

Have YOU eaten your buckwheat today?

“Once, tice,… fee times a mady”…  Sorry friends, I just couldn’t resist!

My husband loves it, my kids are eating it by the hand-fulls, and it is one of my most amazing discoveries of this past year!  It gives you an insane energy boost, and it has tremendous health benefits- like regulating good/bad cholesterol. It’s happy heart food.  It’s full of protein, for it has all 8 of the amino acids to form a complete protein. So why eat buckwheat? Well, why not?

Buckwheat is a fruit seed, not a grain!  It is even gluten-free! Woo-hoo! Most people have eaten it in Kashi cereal, but I wanted to just post a recipe for some Cocoa Peanut Butter Buckwheat Crispies. Kashi is great, but it’s roasted and has more of a bitter taste. I’ve been experimenting with RAW buckwheat groats, and let me tell you, they are truly divine!

I’m in love with  RAW food, and how it makes me feel.  I am all about the easy way to get more RAW in my family’s diet. Soaking and dehydrating raw buckwheat groats sounds like a lot of work, and it kinda feels like it, but once you make a giant batch, it lasts awhile, as long as you give your husband weekly rations. Josh would eat the whole batch in a week if I let him.

RAW Cocoa Peanut Butter Buckwheat Crispies

4 cups raw buckwheat groats, (these have been soaked overnight, rinsed well, and then dehydrated at 105 for 4-5 hours)

1 cup organic cocoa powder- unsweetened and non-alkaline

1 cup of your favorite nut butter- I like peanut butter, because cocoa and peanut butter just share a heavenly union of wedded bliss. Try almond butter if you want to be truly raw.

1 cup grade b maple syrup- why grade b? check out my friend Katie’s blog: http://www.riddlelove.com/2010/11/7-reasons-to-choose-grade-b-maple-syrup.html

1 cup chopped coconut, or shredded- this really makes it good!

1 tsp sea salt

1 tsp cinnamon- cuz, ya know, why not?

Mix up this glorious concoction and just try NOT to devour it! I dehydrated mine as cookies for another couple hours, and make a sheet of cereal which is also my secret ice-cream topping… Shhhh~ sprinkle it on top of coconut bliss for an Amazing vegan and gluten-free treat!

Stay tuned for next time when I talk about sprouting alfalfa…



I am Passionate about feeding my family healthy. I get excited about high quality, organic produce, picked within 24 hours of delivery. All the beautiful colors of fresh, seasonal fruits and veggies INSPIRE me to Create!  It is my Heart for my Family, as you can see… It turns into a game for me, and I LOVE it! If it’s prepped and ready to go in the fridge, I am more likely to eat it!

Abundant Harvest Organics is Ready and Waiting to come back to Redding (and Chico too) my friends! The sooner we get people to sign up it will be here!

If money is tight, split a box with a friend! It is a Phenomenal deal and you get Tons of Happy, Fresh ORGANIC produce from the gool ‘ol USA!

You can view what’s in this week’s box and shop accordingly.  Teach your kids to make healthy choices! Cook together and it becomes Beautiful Family time!

So sign up already! Go to the website and click on “Subscriber sign up.” Find the delivery in your area! View this week’s box and Get Inspired to eat Healthy!

http://www.abundantharvestorganics.com/

I want to grow. I want to change. I feel a bit broken.

I am in a place where I just need to take ownership. Owning it does nothing for you if you fail to change your heart.

I do not want to be critical. I do not want to be jealous. I do not want to miss out on my kids’ childhood because I am stuck in performance mode. The truth is, I fight these things all the time. I do not want to be a complainer. I would LOVE to control my mouth and NOT look like an ass. Yet I keep finding myself in moments where a muzzle would be preferred.

I will never be perfect. Yet I desire more. I have the hardest time receiving love, or anything good.  Something negative and I soak it up like a sponge. So where does that leave me? Undeserving? Unworthy? Isn’t that the point? So much Grace and Unconditional Love thrown at you, accessible to all who Believe. His heart is full for ME, yet I continue to build walls. I am a professional…

This is not a pity party and I am not a victim. I am just facing some harsh realities. The question becomes, “What will I do with it?” Will I flop like a fish on the ground or get up again and move forward. Will it be the walk of shame, or the convicted shuffle? Am I allowed to smile in the process or must I have a sorrowful disposition? One day soon, I will just be able to laugh.

Facing the pain. Sit in it for a bit, let it sink in, and let the LOVE change your heart.

Humility and ownership bring freedom….eventually.

I WANT to grow. I WANT to change. I do not want to be stagnant. I want to work on my stuff instead of letting my issues breed like rabbits. When the fruit is nasty and rotting, you just gotta prune that branch.

My heart has good intentions. I don’t want to hurt people. Yet even though intentions are good, it doesn’t prevent hurt.

I’ve messed up a lot this past week.  I mean A LOT!  I have been quite humiliated. Ummmm, INTENSELY humiliated. The good news is that I am NOT there anymore. I learned from it. Quite an expensive lesson…but I learned something. Once you’re owned it and received it, you just gotta MOVE ON!

What CAN I do?

I CAN grow. I CAN change. I CAN give myself a bit of grace. I can repent, apologize, and take responsibility. Then a Beautiful, Glorious thing happens…

Freedom.

…and maybe with the Freedom, comes a little of that Amazing, Unconditional LOVE, and the slightest ability to just receive it, maybe just a little bit…

I’ve been doing pretty good, back on the gluten-free diet, eating mostly Raw and trying to be more active.  For me, being active starts with just walking up and down my street.  Even halfway counts if it’s one of *those* days.  I’ve made all these changes in hopes to get strong, and get strong FAST!  I realize this will take time, but I am just very EXCITED and EAGER to get on LIVING my life!  I’ve got two boys to chase! C’mon!

I’ve fallen 4 times this past month.  It’s a tad bit discouraging, because it really hurts.  Also, it’s just a wake-up call for how far I really need to go, how much ground I need to “take back.” The good news is that even though I fell all these times, I was ABLE to get up!  Now, this may sound obvious to most people who fall, you just get up again.  Well, if you have a strange combination of parts that aren’t moving and bound with pain, it’s just not so easy.

When we were living in our coffee shack in Hawaii, I decided to go sit outside and get some fresh air while Elijah was napping.  He was probably 5 or 6 months old.  At this time, my knees were swollen bigger than my thighs, and my hands and wrists were so bad, I had people come help me lift and move my baby around.  You just find a different way to do things because you have to.  I learned to pick him up with my forearms and chin.  Yes, I’m just That talented.

So, this beautiful fine day I decided to do my graceful “fall” into the hammock in our yard.  It caught me, and I enjoyed the fresh air and the quiet moment.  As I tried to get up, I fell out of the hammock and landed on my rear-end. Ouch!  I tried to get up. Frustrated and crying, I continued to roll and move and get myself into some kind of position to get up.  Nothing!

I cried, had my pity party, and then prayed.  Josh was working on the farm that day, and was usually gone for a few more hours.  None of our neighbors were home, and I just sat there. I asked God to bring Josh back.  I prayed that he wouldn’t know why, but he would just feel like coming home.  I asked for Peace, felt it, and then sat back and listened to the birds singing.  The sun felt amazing as I just laid back and rested, laughing at myself and the predicament I was in.

Fifteen minutes later I heard footsteps and I sat up to see who it was.  Josh walked into the yard and I called out to get his attention.  He said he felt like he needed to come home, but he didn’t know why.  I explained what happened, and he helped me up and inside the house. Elijah woke up just about then.  Funny how it just all worked out.

So this time, when I did the face-plant in my yard, I was able to get up and walk all by myself.  I sprained a couple toes and was pretty sore for 5 or 6 days, but who cares!

I am so THANKFUL that I could get up! I’ve got to hold on to something!

So I am determined to get stronger!  I am embarking on this journey with a furious desire and passion to Persevere through it ALL with the ability to Laugh at myself as I go Truckin’ along…

I am a Certified Health Nut. A Glorified, granola-munchin, organic lovin’ squirrel-food-eating, give me Raw food, Happy kind of Original.  I have put tons of Chemicals and Medicines in my body for too long due to the necessity to keep on Truckin’…

It’s about time I stopped.

Enter Young Living, and the possibility to be chemical free and medicine free once again.

Last winter, after my son came home with the swine flu, we were all sick from the end of October to April, with about 4-5 healthy weeks in between.  It was ridiculous! So when we signed up for Young Living and got the Essential oils kit, I was not only enthused about Thieves, but ESTATIC and Eager to try it.

My family has entered into what I am calling the “Thieves Experiment.” I do not want to repeat last year.  My immune system is 10% of a normal person because of the Enbrel I take for Arthritis.

For 6 weeks now, we have been taking Thieves.  I put a couple drops in Rice Milk or my water, we put a drop on my baby’s feet. We have been around numerous people who have been sick and we are well!  If we feel a sore throat, we put some directly in our throat. It is AMAZING! It even kills black mold.

One bottle lasts our family a month.  It is a $35 investment which I am MORE THAN WILLING to pay!  We are healthy!

So, I just wanted to share our Thieves Experiment.  I am tired of pumping my kids with cold medicine, tylenol and motrin.  I am so happy to find an alternative that actually works, and fits my Organic lovin, Granola lifestyle…

If this sounds interesting, and you would like to try it, you can order some from this link:

https://www.youngliving.org/johnsonliving

Scroll down and you will find thieves. I got the basic kit so I could get wholesale prices.  It is Wonderful!

I am so excited that I MUST share this recipe!

I wanted to use my spiral slicer to make raw angel hair noodles.  I was out of zucchini, so I grabbed a couple sweet potatoes.  My helpers and I were prepping a stir fry tray for the week, and I glanced over at the broccoli stalks (who really uses those anyway!) and said, “Let’s give it a try.” The broccoli stalks came out beautiful, and mixed with the bright orange sweet potato, just carried so much potential!

Well, the pasta idea never happened and the noodles sat in my fridge a few days.  I made my stir fry and decided to try the noodles tossed with the AMAZING peanut sauce instead of rice.  It was Wonderful and Insanely Delicious! The energy from eating raw just blew me away! Oh the excitement in another EASY raw dish!

So today, I opened my fridge to see what remnants were left and needed to be used up before I did my meal planning for the week and headed to the store. I pulled out the broccoli and sweet potato noodles and tossed it with peanut sauce and prepared to devour it. Suddenly, a vision of my grated carrots entered my head.  So I added a handful of those.  The lonely piece of dark green kale was just longing to be a part of this party, so I chopped it really fine and threw that in my bowl. I shredded some cabbage and chopped some fresh cilantro.  Then I remembered my raw sliced almonds in the pantry.  Ooh this was starting to get good!  A couple pinches of those, some more peanut sauce and I tossed it all together for a taste test.  Wow.  I decided to add some finely chopped apple as well.  It was beautiful!

I proudly brought my creation to the table.  I could barely contain myself.  It was something New and Easy and Raw!  Josh took one bite and It was over.  He devoured most of it, and that was OK, because it was pretty filling anyway!

So, here’s the recipe!  It really is a fantastic dish, and I will be prepping a basic salad bowl of this combination again tomorrow!  You can change up the dressings, add your favorite veggies, dried fruit, or Whatever! You need a spiral slicer for the sweet potatoes and broccoli.  If you don’t have one, you can try a mandolin and then julienne some thin slices for the sweet potato. If you don’t have a mandolin, just leave out the sweet potato and chop away. It’s just FUN!  Enjoy!

RAW SALAD WITH PEANUT SAUCE

Combine the following in a large bowl. It should keep for a few days in the fridge.

sweet potatoes – 2-3 medium sized sweet potatoes, peeled and cut in half lengthwise.  Use the spiral slicer to make them into gorgeous, orange angel-hair sized noodles.

broccoli – 3 stalks of broccoli, edges trimmed. Run through the spiral slicer.

cabbage – 1/4 head, finely shredded like coleslaw

carrots – 1 -2 cups, grated, or ran through food processor

kale – 3-4 leaves, chopped really fine

raw sliced almonds – 1/2 cup

apple – 1 apple, chopped to desired size, I used fuji

cilantro – add as much as you like, chopped

Grab a handful and throw it in a bowl.  Add your favorite dressing.  Voila!

PEANUT SAUCE RECIPE from the Moosewood Cookbook:

1/2 cup good peanut butter

1/2 cup hot water

2 TB soy sauce or Nama shoyu (or liquid aminos if you are gluten free)

2 TB sugar

1 tsp apple cider vinegar

3 medium cloves garlic, minced

1-2 TB cilantro, minced

cayenne – to taste

sea salt – to taste

place peanut butter in a small bowl and add hot water.  Stir patiently until uniformly mixed.  Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Cover and refrigerate. Let it come to room temperature before serving.

BUY NOW

My latest book is here!

Once again I had the privilege to team up with Sheri Silk and Matt Thayer to create the second book in the “Silk Family Stories” line. Yep, that’s right, we’re a series now! There’s two!

This story was really fun to adapt!  It is a true story about Danny and Sheri’s son Taylor, when he was three years old.  He was pretty attached to his favorite Fourth of July shorts, and even chose to wear them out to play in the snow.

Instead of stopping him and telling him what to do, Danny and Sheri decided to let the consequences of Taylor’s choice teach him.

Shorts in the Snow is a really funny story, filled with amazing art and humorous rhymes.  Kids of all ages will enjoy this book!
Shorts in the Snow

For more information on Loving our Kids on Purpose, check out lovingonpurpose.com

PHENOMENAL Parenting. It really is!

One of the biggest battles I fight is against Isolation.  I have been feeling lonely and isolated. I know that I am Responsible for it, that I have stepped into this cold, dark place. Yet, there is something more brewing…

It’s easy to stay home in my comfort zone, where I know I can get around without falling. It’s easy to become isolated when little things like going outside or going to the store take everything you’ve got. Just getting myself ready feels like it takes all my effort. I’m not so able to keep up with my peers.  If I don’t have people over, I generally don’t see them. It is easy to feel isolated when nobody around you is going through what you are, or when nobody around you has what you have.  It’s been a battle against feeling Diseased, Different and Misunderstood. The reality though, is that I am not alone.  Most people I know are going through Something that makes them feel this same way.

When I am not doing so good, I withdraw.  I have known that I do this for a long time.  I even recognize it and usually just force myself to engage with someone.  Just getting out of my house helps tremendously. Sometimes a change of scene is all it takes.

It’s strange though, to actually choose isolation.  For some reason, my deep introspection of late has led me into this season where I’m just feeling like I don’t have the language to communicate.  Sometimes we go through such “pruning” or “growth” (I am hopeful here) where we just don’t talk about it because it just needs to stew and we need to respect the process to get to the epiphany…

I am hoping that this is one of those times!

However, I am fully aware that something feels very wrong in the way I am handling it all.  Where is the Life when you take yourself out of the equation and just watch? In my attempt to process these things I am battling, I’ve closed off some of my dearest friends.  I don’t want to, but I am realizing that I have. I think sometimes I just don’t want people to really know.  So I close it off at a certain point.  Especially if there’s not much Hope or Faith attached to it.

I fight the failure, but I am not that strong.  My Spirit Longs.

My Spirit Longs to Leap out of my current position, breaking free of strongholds in an instant!  My Spirit Longs to run to all those I’ve hurt and just LOVE on them!  My Spirit Longs for encouragement to Persevere and Overcome.  My Spirit wants to Believe and wants to Hope.

If I am tangled up in my own choices to withdraw than I need to find a solution, a baby step towards freedom.  Vomiting my inner turmoil to a friend is not it.

My Spirit longs to be the gazelle and to run and romp with Freedom and Agility and Strength.  My Spirit knows it is not time yet. I’ve got to sit and face some things first.  Baby steps and Momentum are a part of my recipe to come back.  Sowing seeds of change into my thoughts and my Life… All I know, is that if I’m not done cooking yet, and I’m feeling like I’m running on empty, than it’s a Really Good sign that my Spirit Longs for Something…

It shows me that THIS isn’t how it’s Supposed to be.  There’s MORE.  There’s MORE for ME!

So, the real question I need to ask myself is this: “Do I deserve it?” Do I “deserve” this “More?”

I have gotten this question wrong all my life.  That is partially why I need to sit and stew a bit longer, in order to Receive what My Spirit Longs for. The Truth shall permeate my Steel Walls.