Something is happening in my heart. It’s been building since we stepped foot on this island, but today it is exploding.

There is a portal to Freedom, and it is right in front of me. I need only to step in.

But you see, only I will fit.

I can’t bring all my baggage.

There is a Grace to Forgive

To Release

EVERYTHING.

Each wounding, hurt, place of pain-

ALL of it.

I didn’t know I wanted to renew my vows until we were driving here the first day. Within minutes, this desire whispered in me. What if we could renew our vows for our Anniversary… Just being here, the place where we got married, felt like a gift. Tears flowed as I thought of the significance of Starting New, and the Release of Letting everything go and truly Forgiving.

The possibility of making it happen was so far fetched, I knew that things would either line up or they wouldn’t. I laid this desire down, surrendering and waiting.

And here we are. I’m getting married tonight. I need to write my vows. But first I need to purify my heart.

I must choose.

I have an Opportunity before me.

I do not want this baggage.

For some reason, today it is being exposed FULLY-

like ripe, rotting fruit in my heart.

There is an Exchange if I let it go.

I didn’t know it was all still there.

So I will cry and Forgive and Release.

I long to step through that portal with a clean heart before I renew my vows. It will be a New Beginning.

I want to Love without a list of wrongdoings and offenses. I want to Love without Fear.

Renewal and Restoration

I want to embrace each fully.

How often do you get to go back to a place?

To a place where Dear Memories and Precious Simplicity have been beckoning you…

To a place where you began your life together.

Your first home.

To the place where you first became a family…

How often does that happen?

Seriously…

Oh my heart.

It thumps away as I write. The excitement is building.

I get to go there.

I get to go to that place.

Tears form.

The coffee shack.

My heart skips.

625 square feet of simplicity on the island’s most beautiful coffee land.

It’s still soaking in.

It’s been so difficult to wrap my mind around it since I’ve been so tangled up in details!  But I’m beginning to see it, to feel it.

I better, because we are leaving tomorrow! Did I mention this all happened really fast?

Oh my heart!

We get the Privilege to return for a small season, about 6 weeks. This is only happening  because I believe my Loving Papa has prepared the way. That just sums it all up quite nicely. It’s All Him. Provision.

We have an Amazing story of finding that place. God just ALWAYS provides! I will share this sometime soon, when packing details are all wrapped up and we are settled. It’s just a dang good God story.

Oh my heart!

This could get really exciting.

The anticipation is building… What lies ahead? Tales of beaches and mango trees, adventures of coffee land life, living simply and simply living. Minimizing my kitchen productions without compromising health and nutrition… Hmmmmm, I have NO IDEA how to do that yet!

Doing Life somewhere else because, well, why not?

But it’s the doing Life again, like a second chance to grab something we missed the first time. This is what blows me away and this is where Expectation and Hope arises…  Revisiting our first home, that special place in our history where something was beginning and we didn’t even know it…

Oh my heart!

My boys on the coffee land, finding Jackson chameleons and collecting macadamia nut “balls,” soaking up Precious Ohana, ukulele melodies drifting up to our coffee shack, naked babe on the beach…

There are those once-in-a-lifetime kind of opportunities that one can only dream about.

The kind that just seems so far away impossible, that it would take a Hand in Heaven to direct it.

The one you Don’t want to miss out on because of small Excuses and Poor choices.

I am having to face these fears of stepping out of my comfort zone, yet stepping into Opportunity.

We just can’t pass this by.

It’s seriously Divine!

Feeling Possibilities,

Re-embracing Dreams.

Soaring

to the Vision

of Dreams

beyond my means.

Where the only answer is

His hand

Directing Everything.

…and if we Choose

to Leap in Faith

and Face our Destiny,

the Flight of Life

will reside

in the shadow

of His wings.

So LEAP

little girl

Breathe Deep

Release

and FLY

straight toward

your Dreams…

My husband speaks life into me each time he pays me this compliment. It just Anchors me, Deeper. It gives me Hope. It sets me Free. It grounds me and makes all my anxieties and busy thoughts FLEE.

He says I’m one of the strongest people he knows.

My close friends Encourage me when they call out the Strength I have.

Quite honestly, I forget about that kind of Strength.

I seldom consider the Deep Inner Strength that has been Given me. My typical mindset is one LONGING for the Feeling of Strength. I see the Ability all around me to Experience a Physical Strength that I’ve been lacking. One that, quite frankly, I was Robbed of.

Oh how I’ve Wished for it.

Dreamed of it.

Envied it.

Moving Freely, Living in Freedom, devoid of Pain.

The Strength I have has been an Inner Journey, a Battle of Mind and Fesh, my Walk:  in Faith, Hope and Reality.

There’s Circumstance and a Choice. That is quite a Powerful thing. The Right choice to set your mind stems from Thankfulness.

You must ENDURE. You must Persevere. You must Never give up and Never lay down. Realities happen. A choice could signal Redemption.

I’m feeling Strength slowly returning to my body. Each little bit is slow to come, and it requires all the Inner Strength in me that I have to push through Physically.

This is really hard work. I am Pushing myself Harder than before. I feel Broken. But if I’m Broken, then it’s FOR GOOD!

Driven by the Vision that THIS IS IT!

I’m Giving it EVERYTHING I’ve got. This Lifestyle of Self-Denial and Discipline is Strengthening those very muscles.

It is Hard Work to cultivate the Land of Habits. It is quite the process, but You CAN do it. You CAN change Circumstance with Choice.

I will continue to get strong. I will continue to Push myself, and Continue to take care of myself. I see myself doing “normal” Mom things with my kids that I couldn’t do before. It is LIBERATING!

This is Just the BEGINNING.

I have such a LONG Road ahead. I feel like I’ve gotten over the first Mountain. I’ve Conquered SOMEthing; therefore I can Conquer ANYthing.

I am not Alone.

He is with me, Revealing Vivid Pictures of New Realities.

Process doesn’t promise that it won’t hurt, yet the end result finds you Refined and Strengthened.

Prepared.

My kitchen has changed so drastically that I hardly recognize it.  My mindset, when it comes to food, is equally unrecognizable; however Welcome. I have Broken through into this place of Peace and Freedom. It has a high cost and much is required at this point, but the Fruits bear witness that it is ALL worth it!

One of my biggest areas of Realization and Revelation from my 40 day fast was that I was an emotional eater seeking comfort in food, with terrible food patterns and habits that were just ruining my life. I had to admit them and FACE them, Head on! Through the Process of Denying myself these things I have Broken free from their hold.  I feel a healthy mindset when it comes to food.

I can’t confess enough how much I Needed to be Broken. I needed to Face these habits, patterns and wrong attitudes that I lived in. Hitting them Head-On was the only way it could work for me. These have been the Best 47 days of my Life. They have established a New Foundation. One that I have worked so hard to build, that I am Determined NOT to compromise.

I still feel the urges to snack and the longing for comfort food. It can be unbearable at times, but each “no” makes me stronger and I take more ground. The Exchange has been unreal! I feel the habits breaking, the shifting going on, the Strengthening. It is hard at times, but mostly effortless.

I stand here now with an elevated discipline. Part of it is supported by the Hope that I won’t have to eat this way forever. Most of it comes from the overall Blessing of LIVING with Less Pain and experiencing this NEW Ability to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. It’s coming…

I covet the Grace I am in. I ask God daily for MORE, for it to never leave. I’m enjoying the Dialogue, the grip on my life that was previously lacking.

I feel like the Disease is sloughing away and the Real ME is starting to peek out. I have such a long road ahead. This was all just the Screeching Halt and the 180 degree turn around. I am starting my Engine. I am ready to go forward. Momentum is building.

I feel like I’ve been given a second chance, an Opportunity to really change my Lifestyle. All this self-denial has created a platform. It holds New habits and it holds Great Potential, birthed from Giant Sacrifice. It holds Passion for Health and Vitality. It has all been Preparation.

Transformation begins with a willingness to let it.

There was a girl who suffered daily and tried her best to make the most out of her life. Intense chronic pain and limitations robbed her repeatedly and stole the basic components and joys of a normal life. She was accustomed to it, so she just learned to live this way. She was miserable inside, yet hope still lived, tucked away in a secret place in her heart.

She worked hard striving to be normal, yet absolutely hating that word. She carried such heaviness that it was hard for others to see who she really was. Pain ruled her life and skewed her reality.

She fought constantly to complete average daily tasks. Everything was a battle because of the Pain. She was always stuck in mental preparation, strategizing how to get through the day.

She longed for freedom. She cried out for the desire to love herself. She continued to dig her well deeper, for it was the only solace; the only sense of comfort. The water from the well nourished her hope and kept it alive.

One day she decided Enough was Enough.

She came to a screeching halt and just stood there for awhile. She knew something had to change or Misery would Prevail. She realized that she had the power to initiate change.

She knew she would fail if He wasn’t in it.

She knew she couldn’t do this without Him.

Grace started to sprinkle down over her, and she mourned for what she knew she had to do. She cried and balled as she laid everything down in that wagon. She was comforted as she hauled it to the throne.

She had been a slave to these things and she hated herself. Disease crippled her ability to see anything good in herself.

She left the wagon with the King and there began an Exchange.

Hope was poured out over her, along with Grace that quenched her from within. Deep Motivation and Passion pumped through her blood. She was so scared but she knew she was not alone. He promised to be there at all times. He promised to carry her.

She began her journey and knew right away that it was right. The Misery left almost immediately. Each new day brought fresh Grace and renewed Strength. She battled and fought and subdued her enemy. Daily.

At one point she saw a piece of Disease fall off. There was something Beautiful underneath it. It was the real her starting to emerge. She embraced this vision and kept going. More Pain, more Disease, and more Limitations began to slough off of her. The Real girl could be glimpsed by others. Most importantly, she could be seen by herself.

She heard a beautiful song, like nothing else she had heard before. Strength, Vitality, and Sheer Joy were singing out to her. The New feeling of Lightness created a Smile. The girl that started to emerge was so different. She actually began to like herself.

This girl has got the Victory. She just climbed the biggest Mountain of her life and in the Process, became unveiled. Nothing can come against her Determination and Passion. She is Strong. She is taking her Health back, with one choice at a time.

She sits here today to Encourage others.

What is YOUR Dream for your Health? Your Family’s?

Whatever it looks like, the Journey is worth every step.

Great sacrifice has a high exchange rate.

Birthing a child requires great sacrifice. Parenting requires even more. Not only do we, as Mom’s, bear intense pain and forever changes to our bodies (hello issues), but as Parents, we find ourselves quite often in a place where MORE is required than we have to give.

Enter the Exchange.

We must remember the inheritance we are pouring into. We must never forget that they are only little for a short time. Our social lives will come back eventually, along with the vocabulary to speak to other adults… We must never lose sight that it is ALL worth it: every ounce, pound and ton of ourselves that we pour out. Even when we run dry and it takes a massive wringing out to get that last drop, it is all worth it. It is our privilege.

The Exchange.

We must never lose sight of what we gain in the midst of sacrifice.

I have given up my favorite foods for the next two years. It has been 14 days today, of broth and juicing, with an occasional half avocado. Do I miss food?

Not really.

Why?

Because of the Exchange.

I don’t remember feeling this good inside. I don’t remember saying that I feel “Amazing.” I can bend my big giant finger for the first time in 5 years. All I want to do is walk and be active. I am feeling strength bubble up within me, like I’ve tapped into some sacred well.

I call myself “loopy” at times, but it is a good place to be. My issues are on vacation, and you know what? I don’t want them to come back for awhile. I feel the most clarity that I have ever felt. I feel like there’s a portal at my head and a well at my feet. I am covered in Grace. There is no way I could do this alone.

There is a lot required to take on the GAPS thing and heal my gut. I never dreamed of making it this far. I only let Hope in to give it a shot. I am now Fiercely determined to give it my Best and My ALL. There is New Life at stake. My New Life. This is driving me.

It is a Giant sacrifice, but it is worth it when there is a good Exchange rate.

I don’t ever want to forget how hard it’s been; how daily motherhood has taken more than I had by 10 am, yet I still had all day to go. I don’t ever want to forget the pain, limitations and fish bowl of “I can’t.” I don’t ever want to forget the sleepless nights and wheelchair seasons. I don’t ever want to forget all the LOVE poured out over me by friends and family who helped through it all. I don’t ever want to forget how my Amazing Man stood by my side, in Love, and became my Hero. I don’t ever want to forget because I don’t want to lose sight of Thankfulness.

Hope and Joy live in Sacrifice. Purpose unveils Passion. There’s so much Beauty in it all. Deep inside, GRACE resides.

Is there something keeping you in bondage? Think upon the Exchange. Grab it… just make a good trade.

I found myself in a web of tangled judgement. The kind that squelches and strangles the most joyous of occasions. Ew, the things that were coming out of my head, and my mouth! They felt gross, it felt WRONG but I could not help feel them. It came from a place of pain in my own life. Yet that didn’t make it right. Oh it was so not fun to walk in that! I am cringing at the memory of it.

Yes, so the point is, I knew it wasn’t right and I had to fight against those ugly things that were coming out of me. It was painful, Yes. Standing there and facing that stuff, admiting it, dealing with it, genuinely repenting for it. Still couldn’t shake it. Not until I invited some of my closet friends to speak into my life about it. There’s just something about confessing your transgressions to the people you trust. Especially when you listen and receive change. It was hard to admit out loud that I was going through this. Was it Worth it?

Hell, Yeah!

Oh, the Joy! The Glorious, Dancing, Fresh kind of Joy  ~like the smell of pikake or ginger on a humid Hawaiian day. (Insert cheese ball music here)

Like Leaping from a Spider web.

Folks, I am feeling some Freedom! Sometimes you got just to accept, “It’s not my problem, and it’s not my burden to carry.”   Sometimes you just got to receive “It’s not your problem, and it’s not your burden to carry.” And then, you just gotta be Thankful “It’s not my problem, it’s not my burden to carry.” It’s one of those beautiful puzzle pieces in The Saviour’s heart.

Maybe some of those Faith seeds have begun to sprout. They are crying out for water. That my Friends, Feels the Best!



I am Passionate about feeding my family healthy. I get excited about high quality, organic produce, picked within 24 hours of delivery. All the beautiful colors of fresh, seasonal fruits and veggies INSPIRE me to Create!  It is my Heart for my Family, as you can see… It turns into a game for me, and I LOVE it! If it’s prepped and ready to go in the fridge, I am more likely to eat it!

Abundant Harvest Organics is Ready and Waiting to come back to Redding (and Chico too) my friends! The sooner we get people to sign up it will be here!

If money is tight, split a box with a friend! It is a Phenomenal deal and you get Tons of Happy, Fresh ORGANIC produce from the gool ‘ol USA!

You can view what’s in this week’s box and shop accordingly.  Teach your kids to make healthy choices! Cook together and it becomes Beautiful Family time!

So sign up already! Go to the website and click on “Subscriber sign up.” Find the delivery in your area! View this week’s box and Get Inspired to eat Healthy!

http://www.abundantharvestorganics.com/

I’ve been doing pretty good, back on the gluten-free diet, eating mostly Raw and trying to be more active.  For me, being active starts with just walking up and down my street.  Even halfway counts if it’s one of *those* days.  I’ve made all these changes in hopes to get strong, and get strong FAST!  I realize this will take time, but I am just very EXCITED and EAGER to get on LIVING my life!  I’ve got two boys to chase! C’mon!

I’ve fallen 4 times this past month.  It’s a tad bit discouraging, because it really hurts.  Also, it’s just a wake-up call for how far I really need to go, how much ground I need to “take back.” The good news is that even though I fell all these times, I was ABLE to get up!  Now, this may sound obvious to most people who fall, you just get up again.  Well, if you have a strange combination of parts that aren’t moving and bound with pain, it’s just not so easy.

When we were living in our coffee shack in Hawaii, I decided to go sit outside and get some fresh air while Elijah was napping.  He was probably 5 or 6 months old.  At this time, my knees were swollen bigger than my thighs, and my hands and wrists were so bad, I had people come help me lift and move my baby around.  You just find a different way to do things because you have to.  I learned to pick him up with my forearms and chin.  Yes, I’m just That talented.

So, this beautiful fine day I decided to do my graceful “fall” into the hammock in our yard.  It caught me, and I enjoyed the fresh air and the quiet moment.  As I tried to get up, I fell out of the hammock and landed on my rear-end. Ouch!  I tried to get up. Frustrated and crying, I continued to roll and move and get myself into some kind of position to get up.  Nothing!

I cried, had my pity party, and then prayed.  Josh was working on the farm that day, and was usually gone for a few more hours.  None of our neighbors were home, and I just sat there. I asked God to bring Josh back.  I prayed that he wouldn’t know why, but he would just feel like coming home.  I asked for Peace, felt it, and then sat back and listened to the birds singing.  The sun felt amazing as I just laid back and rested, laughing at myself and the predicament I was in.

Fifteen minutes later I heard footsteps and I sat up to see who it was.  Josh walked into the yard and I called out to get his attention.  He said he felt like he needed to come home, but he didn’t know why.  I explained what happened, and he helped me up and inside the house. Elijah woke up just about then.  Funny how it just all worked out.

So this time, when I did the face-plant in my yard, I was able to get up and walk all by myself.  I sprained a couple toes and was pretty sore for 5 or 6 days, but who cares!

I am so THANKFUL that I could get up! I’ve got to hold on to something!

So I am determined to get stronger!  I am embarking on this journey with a furious desire and passion to Persevere through it ALL with the ability to Laugh at myself as I go Truckin’ along…