I’ve had a rough week. I took a hard hit, became very discouraged, and am still in the process of trying to pull myself together. Sorting out what is real can take time.

I have been on my Vegetarian version of the GAPS diet for over 60 days. I was doing pretty good, considering I have been on NO medicine! In the middle of my third week of slowly introducing food, my joints became really stiff, and I re-entered “Pain World.”

Life became really hard, being a Mom became harder, and keeping up with my scientific lab (aka my kitchen) became so overwhelming that I just have to stop.

The Valley is a stark contrast to the Mountaintop, especially when you’re catapulted down so quickly by Discouragement.

I have to admit that the stiffness and pain had been building for a couple weeks. I just kept telling myself that it was a painful process to start moving parts of your body that have been locked up for decades. The question of, “Is it something I’m eating?” just sent me over the edge. Why? Because I knew the answer was “possibly,” and I knew what that meant: going backwards.

I sunk, and I sunk Fast.

I am a Foodie, and I have been just so stinkin’ excited to eat! Period!  This was devastating news to me to realize I needed to take a step back. I have had a week of wallowing in this slimy pit and I am trying to crawl out of it, and keep my mind set on the Hope I have and the Reason I have been doing this whole GAPS thing. It’s hard to see that Billboard when you’re soaking in a dungeon of self-pity.

It’s just food.

Yes, but it’s just BREAKING me Again.

Part of the Process I guess. Can I take an Eagle’s eye view now? Can I throw in some intention and shift my thoughts?

Trying.

I thought I was past facing all these food issues. It seems I have just graced the surface. There’s Deeper ones to be explored. UGH! Am I strong enough to do this? Am I weak enough to admit that I can’t do this alone?

So for now, I have gone back to the first week of zucchini pancakes made with almond butter and eggs, avocado, broth, and an apple between meals. I think I need to just do a  juice fast  for a few days, but I am still “adjusting” and accepting that.

Is my stiffness going away? A little. Is the pain any better? Can’t really tell yet.

I’ll have to give it a week and see what happens.

All I know, is that I just conquered that Mountain, and sitting on that Peak was a dream come true. I could see for miles in all directions. I caught a glimpse of what my life should be like, pain-free; got to taste the freedom for a moment. The fall was rough, the Valley Dark and stifling. It is not where I want to remain. I liked that view I had, I enjoyed the breeze up on that Mountaintop.

I have to make a choice right now where I want to live from. Whether it’s the Valley or the Mountain, I need to have Grace for myself to Process, Time for myself to be Real, and Thankfulness to realize how far I’ve come.