Freedom is as simple as the ability to get out of your house!  At least, that’s what is is for me right now!  All of a sudden, as of last week, I am able to load up my baby in the car AND drive.  OOOH- what a combo!  Yep, Life is beginning to look up.

I took my little guy to his one year Dr. appointment ALL BY MYSELF!  Now this may seen small, but it is a little victory to me because I have NEVER taken him to an appointment before.  For the past ten months I have relied on strategic planning with my husband and friends on my good days when I could actually drive.  I needed someone to load him up and someone at the destination to take him out.  Then, upon my return travels, I had to make sure I had arms to get him back inside our house.  Yeah, headache.

When it’s not so easy to go places and it takes all that planning, it’s just easier to stay at home.  There were times I didn’t leave the house, or even go outside for two weeks.  It was just too hard. I didn’t notice that the walls had closed in and I was so affected by it until my husband would convince me that it was worth getting out.  It was those moments I realized that it WAS worth the extra effort, and the possibility of “paying for it” later.  It was OK though, because it got me out of my comfort zone.  It was a true breath of fresh air.

But SUDDENLY, I find myself with the ability to get out on my own!  Wow!  Let the clouds part and the sun SHINE straight down on me!  (Insert a little background music right here.)

Now those little things that need to get done can actually get done! The Best part is that I don’t have to rely on someone else to do it for me, or for help to make it happen!  Help is always appreciated, however everyone needs a bit of independence, right?

I need to slow down because I am wearing myself out!  I’m trying to make up for the last year and doing way too much.  It feels so foreign to zip around my house and get so much done in a day. Yet it is a very Welcome phenomenon! Funny that finding the balance doesn’t come too easy.  I just have to be thankful for this ability right now, and let the Hope seed have a little place to grow in my heart.

I don’t know how long this will last.  I have to be thankful and appreciate each moment, every trip to the grocery store, and every walk out into my yard to the tire swing. I have to hold on to the truth that THIS is how it’s supposed to be!

I still have pain all over, but it’s not stopping me.  I will always truck on through it.  I have to. My pain levels have been between 8-10 on a scale of 1-10 all year.  Just this little relief of living at a 6-7 seems like a huge gift of relief! No matter how much I hurt, I just have to keep going. I cannot lay down and stop. If I did, there would be  no victories.  I would lose. I will not lose on this battlefield!

Life throws us those curve balls and our plans seldom look like the blueprints we have in our minds.  Adjusting is not easy, but fighting it just seems to take more energy. I am constantly finding myself repositioning myself, trying to weave these two concepts into some beautiful kind of tapestry.  It always looks different. Somehow, accepting where I’m at has brought freedom.

I’ll rest in this new-found freedom and enjoy every moment while I can!