July8
I make Mountains.
With every thought laced with anxiety, “what-if’s,” or fear, another load of dirt piles up on the mountain I’ve made in front of me. Then, it’s in my way, and I must climb it. Pretty dysfunctional system I got going on!
This latest mountain had become 1000’s of feet tall over the past two months. As I stood before it and it towered above me, I was forced to make a choice: continue feeding my mind with fear-based, stressed-out thought patterns ~OR~ put on my hiking boots and climb.
This particular mountain had a name: Camping.
Our annual Johnson Family Camp-Out (JFCO for short) was the culprit of this particular bout of worry and stress. I had been mentally preparing myself for the last two months, trying to figure out all the “this-in-thats” and “yada-yadas” to enable a certain level of my comfort zone to exist in camping conditions. During this process I created this mountain that loomed above me.
These kind of mountains are capable of causing the “deer in the headlights” reaction, and can keep you at a standstill for weeks, months, or years. These kind of mountains can get so large and can become so powerful that you may begin to wonder where your freedom has gone! These kind of mountains can also become too comfortable…
It was a genuine battle for excitement about this family vacation. That sounds HORRIBLE! But you see, Camping= Pain to me. It is Willingly placing myself in a more uncomfortable state devoid of any true relief for an extended period of time. It is a costly endeavor. Last time, it took three weeks to recover.
Why do I go? Ah- see, this is where the mental battle comes in. I must push through mentally and emotionally in this. When you’re in pain, it tends to take over your focus and it can be quite difficult to get past yourself. All the S’mores and star-gazing and fun camping things don’t immediately pop in my head. Pain Management does.
I GO, because this is a tradition worthy of the small sacrifice of comfort. The Johnson Family is Treasure from Heaven!
We were unable to make it last year. I’ve already shared about how hard it was a year ago. Camping was not in the vocabulary. But this year, we were going, and I was trying to prepare in every way imaginable so I could enjoy myself. I am a walking oxymoron…
A few days before we left I was driving home, thinking of a year ago when I couldn’t drive. JOY came over me and I got really excited! “We are going this year! It is so special and I am so excited to see the family,” I told myself. I started to think about all the fun times and relationship that occurred every time we voyaged up north to the JFCO. It just melted all the fears.
I had been dwelling on all the hard stuff! As I started to toss out all the fears and anxieties, it felt like I was digging up the mountain. Something sparkly caught my eye! I had struck Gold! I continued to dig and mine for more.
Yes! It would be physically pushing myself beyond my limits. Yes, it could be painful. BUT: Family! Good Times! Building Memories! Laughs, and all the GOOD things FAAAAAAAAAAAAR outweighed it all! It is ALWAYS worth it and I always return MORE in LOVE with the JOHNSON Family!
There was a treasure chest FULL of jewels in this mountain. I had just covered it all with dirt! It took some serious digging to expose it! Once I got a glimpse, the mountain started to dwindle, the trip sounded fun again, and I relaxed about everything. I kept focusing on all the RIGHT stuff, and the mountain dwindled to a hill that I could see past. I can’t honestly say it was eliminated, but at least I could easily climb over it.
So now, I’m wondering and pondering this: What other mountains have I created? What am I missing because I’ve chosen to partner with “pain management” and a comfort zone mindset? How much are Bulldozers?
Cause I’ve got GOLD FEVER!